In wake of the Ashley Madison scandal, many will be publicly facing the question that even more face privately: “Is there life beyond betrayal?”
Betrayal. It is the gift that nobody wants but that many are given~without warning and with no instruction manual. The devastation can be debilitating, and finding help in the midst of the storm is imperative.
My friend Melody Lovvorn has a heart to help those walking the path of betrayal. Sharing from her own experience, she offers a clear path to healing and hope for those experiencing betrayal. She and her husband Tray are founders of Undone-Redone, a ministry devoted to saving marriages and navigating through the messiness of life.
I’ve asked Melody to share a bit of her story and about Life Beyond Betrayal. If you or anyone you know is struggling with betrayal, this could be a life changing resource.
Popular Internet cheating site Ashley Madison was hacked recently, and its over 39 million now not-so-anonymous membersâ€™ secrets have been exposed. In the aftermath of this hack, millions of individuals are now having to deal with their secrets being brought into the light and the devastating effects it is having on their spouse or significant other.
It was fifteen years ago when I first discovered that my husband had been unfaithful. As long as I live, I will never forget that moment. The words â€œwe need to talk,” followed by â€œyes itâ€™s true,â€ broadsided me with a pain I had never before experienced. My kids were 5, 4, 2, and 6 months old, and I had no idea how I was going to breathe in the next moment, let alone survive this.
Whether you discovered betrayal with the Ashley Madison hack or a number of months or years ago, walking through deception by the person closest to you makes you feel like your life has been shattered into a million pieces. This emotional pain creates uncertainty and chaos that paralyzes to the core. Your situation can be even more painful if you make decisions solely on your hurt, so having a clear plan to move forward is essential. Healing from betrayal requires intentionality and is simply not something that will be healed by the passing of time.
For the last seven years, I have had the privilege of walking with hundreds of women through the painful waters of betrayal. Betrayal creates an avalanche of emotion for the one who has been betrayed. Out of these emotions, three questions often arise which can cause an individual to get stuck and miss opportunities to heal. The three questions that most experience are outlined below.
Why did this happen?
Seeking to understand â€œwhyâ€ is very natural. We tell ourselves that if we can just wrap our minds around the â€œwhy,” then maybe we can gain some understanding, and therefore, it wonâ€™t hurt as bad. But â€œwhyâ€ questions are never-ending, and we never get adequate answers. It unleashes one why question after the other to be asked, and the answers donâ€™t even begin to neutralize the pain. Letâ€™s think of this in physical terms. If someone stabbed you with a knife, you would have a serious wound that would need to be cared for. No amount of understanding why your assailant stabbed you would help with your wound. The same is true here. You cannot ever get the answers to all of your â€œwhyâ€ questions that will ever make sense or become satisfactory; however, the fact remains that you have been emotionally traumatized and have real wounds that need to be addressed and healed.
How could I have prevented this?
At the root of this question is a desire to quickly get things back to normal. We reason that if we can pinpoint exactly what we did or didnâ€™t do, then we will have some control over fixing things and quickly moving past our pain. I can tell you with certainty that you didn’t cause this, that you cannot cure it, and, therefore, that you cannot control it. This is most definitely not your fault. Yes, this happened TO you but did not happen BECAUSE of you. You do, however, get to control what happens next. You do get to decide the quality of life you are going to have moving forward.
Am I the only one?
Let me assure you that you are not the only woman experiencing what you are experiencingâ€¦even if it feels like you are. It might be very tempting to isolate or to withdraw because of the pain. There are others that are walking through the aftermath of betrayal, and I want to remind you that you do not have to walk this journey alone. This is a part of your story, but this is not the end of your story.
Having a clear plan to move forward in spite of the pain is essential in this process. I took everything that I wish had been available for me 15 years ago along with my personal experience in walking with hundreds of women over the past seven years and have put it into an online course called Life Beyond Betrayal.
I developed Life Beyond Betrayal as a program that will provide daily insight and perspective as you move forward. Based on my experience, I encourage, coach, and sometimes even push in order to help women to stay focused and to keep moving.
Life Beyond Betrayal is the collective wisdom and understanding I have personally gleaned from hundreds of conversations in coffee shops, over the phone, and on Facetime with other women who have experienced betrayal and infidelity. I want to help you learn from the mistakes that I made and that many of those women made so that your pain isnâ€™t prolonged unnecessarily.
Life Beyond Betrayal is designed to be simple and straightforward. From the convenience of your computer, tablet, or phone, you will receive specific, timely, and relevant instruction on exactly what to do next. I will hold your hand and guide you through your painful and difficult emotions so that you donâ€™t get stuck or sidetracked.
I want to help you experience Life Beyond Betrayal. For more information on my soon-to-be-released course, click here.